Embrace me, surround me, as the rush comes. Bring it on.

Today, I got to stand next to Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s new car that he'll be driving this season for Nascar, and it made my day. I've been so into cars lately, especially trucks, and watching them lift up that hood and rear the engine up just got this huge smile across my face. I can't wait to get a truck of my own. In a perfect world, I'd have a sick 1979 Chevy Blazer or a model from before 1990, and I would put all these modifications on it, from a lift to good tires, to a more powerful engine and other high performance additions. But, I do not have that kind of money. I would really REALLY like to have a Chevy Tahoe or GMC Yukon 1995 two door, but that's doubtful as well. What I really need is some kind of stable vehicle to drive this summer. I can dream though, and I have been a lot lately.

Apparently, I failed the writing sample that I need to pass in order to graduate? I remember I did it last year because they pulled me out of class to do it, and I remember doing a good job on it. It was just an opinion essay about after highschool, and it's impossible to fail something like that especially for me, so I think there is a mix up. But tomorrow, I'll be doing another essay so whatever, I'll just make sure to do really well because I need to pass.

I'm staying after tomorrow to catch up in Chemistry after I missed almost an entire week last week. I also have a quiz to make up in that class, and a test in that class tomorrow. Joyous. No big deal though, I know whats going on for the most part. I'm just really anxious to be caught up in that class because its the only important one that I'm kind of lost in. I'm making up a quiz tomorrow in Psychology, as well, and Sociology first thing in the morning. I'm glad I'm getting this all done, it's uplifting.

I'm really anxious and excited for the future. I have a full hold on the future and where I want to take it, for the most part. It is a possibility that I'll be moving out this summer and in with my boyfriend. My Dad has brought up the idea of rent because he can no longer file me under his taxes. He's actually serious about it, and I feel a little betrayed because he and I have talked dozens of times about how he would never charge me rent unless I acted like this was only a place to sleep and eat free food. I don't act like that at all, I'm always around during the week unless I'm working the job I got because of him, and I'm only out two days during the weekend. That's a really diluted lifestyle for me, because if I had it my way, I'd probably work more and play equally as much, but I do what they ask of me, and lately I've been tied in with them well. I've been spending a lot of time around the house and annoying the shit out of all of them with love, so I don't see what else they could ask of me. I'm not okay at all with paying rent and still having to live with a curfew, and strict rules like he makes it sound like. When I turn 18, he acts like a whole lot wont change. I'll still be expected home at a certain time, and to be a part of the family like I am now, and that's a lot of time when you're looking at an 18 year old who has just graduated with a boyfriend and friends, a fulltime job, and who knows what else. I want to get the most out of my time, I've really learned the true value of it recently.

I can't wait to graduate. This summer, Kate, Pete, Ray, and I are going away to Indianhead for a weekend so enjoy the wonderful White Mountains of New Hampshire and revisit all my childhood memories. My summers were always spent up there. I feel awfully for Kate right now, her dog is dying from the dog food poisoning, the same reason we think we lost Gretta. It makes me sick knowing that I lost my dog due to something so unnatural, and it wasn't even fast. She got sick, and was sick for a while, and the whole time it was so heart-wrenching. The pain these stupid fucks put so many families through is just not fair. I don't care if it was a fucking mistake. If I killed millions of people's pets by accident, I know I'd deserve so much shit, too. Nothing is happening to them, though. Nothing.

I know so many beautiful places. I want to go to them, right now. I want to travel to all these secret spots barely any one else has seen or heard of. I can't wait until the weather is nice so I can revisit one of my favorite picnic spots near the Cape. I can't wait to show my world to him, all of it. I want to show him the warm rocks on the beach I've laid on so many times before, but never with anyone as meaningful as him. I want to show him the deep woods in Maine, and what peaceful really is. Tranquility. It's what my life has always been based around and what I've always chased after, and I've found it in so many places. I've found it in him, and now its time for him to find it in me, and also find it in whats surrounding us, in all my favorite places. New memories. Nothing could taste sweeter.

I'm feeling far too wide awake and productive right now to sleep. That's unfortunate. I shouldn't have slept from 3-5:30 tonight.

Also, this year's valentines day total: $60 hahah. But thats including family goodies, as well. I don't think I've ever put money towards valentines day before.