Savoury

I'm listening to Enigma right now, which really isn't the best apocalyptic/nuclear warfare music, but it's making me think a lot.

I'm so glad I live here right now. I'm so relaxed, but so busy, and I don't mind. Until I get my car on the road, I have to get up at 5 am to drive my boyfriend to work so I can use his car for work later in the day. Which is the reason why I'm awake right now on the internet. I don't like to go back to bed.

I'm so content with the way things are going for me.

Ray told me the other day that his friend really had a changed perception of me from when we first started dating to now. I guess I've really grown and become independent, which obviously happens, but it's so different to hear it from someone else. I'd like to think that I'm solid on the ground now, but I know that will change. I've still got growing to do.

I'm so glad to be back in Massachusetts, though I'm not a legal resident currently. I love living here again, I feel like I can finally breathe. In Windham, I suffocated constantly, and I had no one. I think living there drove me insane and caused a lot of the problems I'm still dealing with. The isolation brought out a part of me I never thought existed in this quiet, shy girl. I did these crazy things and made mistake and bad decisions, but moving down here, I'm still somehow intact, and I'm slowly being healed again. No more loneliness, only love. I'm not interested in anyone else, I'm not trying to find comfort in other people. He is here with me, and I'm always surrounded by love and familiarity. I simply cannot complain.

Now, my art is struggling. I picked up my camera for the first time since the second day of my stay here yesterday, and took two self portraits I enjoyed. I want to make an effort of this. I want to do it again today. I want to flourish and expand my horizons and find borders to break. It will happen. I will push myself until I'm satisfied.