Rest at ease.

I'm starting to be compulsive with my eating habits again, as well as taking care of my body. I've started bleaching my teeth, and I've already noticed results, which pushes me to do it more than twice a day, which probably isn't good, but I like white teeth. I'm cutting down on my sugar and carb intake because it's kind of being forced at my house since my Dad is in the beginning stages of diabetes and really wants to better himself. I exercise like a looney constantly, to the point where I can hardly walk for days later. I love my body, and I want it to love me for once, so I'll push it to the limit and get to know it better.

Tomorrow, Jess is spending the day and night with me. I'm excited. We're going to scan our photos from college onto my computer so I can finally put them online. I have some film to run through, and then I'm switching to color film, I think. I also want to do some work with digital, but I haven't had any real good ideas recently. I need to expand my walls, or think outside the box, but I don't know what to experiment with. Hm.

I've been spending every day with Ray since vacation started. It's really wonderful, being able to see him so often. It makes time pass so quickly, though. There's so much I want to do with him, but its hard when I barely get to spend an entire day with him because he's working all week, and I work all weekend. I want to go out and enjoy the sun, but we've turned into night creatures. Hah.

I bought the new Mars Volta CD. It's amazing, I recommend it.

I'm having issues with finding a best friend. It seems that the position is always changing from one person to another, but I want it to be solid. I want to have set best friends, like I used to. Since they parted, I haven't had any real best friends that are willing to sit down and stay. There are always other best friends and people in their lives that just interfere with us really being personal. Urgg.

I'm always scared to go to sleep, but I'm so tired. I hate these dreams, and living out everything you said you wanted to happen, or what you did. Fuck you.