I took a lot of pictures today. I was able to find someone to shoot for my commercial arts class with the professional lighting, and although I haven't look at the shots on the computer yet, I can already tell I'm going to be rather pleased with the results. I'll probably be posting some here when I get a change and bring my external to school. I have a lot on those computers I'd like to take with me.
When I got home, I found all these things I wanted to take pictures of. I hate winter, though, because theres only so many times you can take neat pictures of icicles, or dead plants. I got to really experiment with my macro further, since I had used it earlier on the portraits at school and got really turned on by what I realized it could do. I also started experimenting with long exposures by having the f-stop at around f22, the highest it can go, and putting my camera on self timer and moving around my room during the 10" shutter speed. It was a lot of fun.
Besides the shooting, school was total bullshit. They called me down to the dean again for skipping last Friday's detention, but instead of suspending me, they gave me 2 more Fridays, which I had them split into 3 two-hour detentions. So right now, I have 2 three-hour Fridays, one this Friday, and one next Friday, and then 3 two-hour detentions for next week. I need to check and make sure one isn't tomorrow. I'd be fucked if it were. I think I'm having my Dad call the school anyways, and tell them I'm not serving the detentions for being a minute late to school. I mean, come on, 12 hours worth of detentions for being late? No way assholes.
I've been in such an off mood. It's like something is missing or completely off balance in my life, and I don't know what it is. Things just aren't the way they're supposed to be, according to the way I feel. What am I missing? It just sucks because I spend basically all my time sitting in my room on this laptop in bed, editing pictures and burning punks because I feel complete. I don't focus so much on whats wrong as I do on what I can make right. I love having control, whether it be over myself or just objects you're supposed to control, I just attract to it. I feel like while I'm in control, no one can hurt me. Its wrong, and I know it, but I just feel invincible if I'm able to control even the smallest of things in my life.
I'm not talkative, I'm snappy, I'm antisocial. I don't know what the fuck is up, but I hope it goes away soon. I'm sick of this already. I'm sick of everything, really. Do you really think I asked for all of this mess? I just want a normal, quiet life, and here I am, being that girl you read about in magazines that boost your self esteem because her life makes yours feel normal. I hope I have that fucking effect on someone. I hope I make your fucking day while I struggle with whats right and what move to make. I hope you hear about my problems and laugh and say how much that must fucking suck, but you start to appreciate things in your life more than before. I hope I'm that fuck up to someone, because even if I'm not improving my own life, atleast I'm making a fucking difference. I just want all of this ironic shit to stop. I want to stop feeling like vomiting everytime I even graze the thought of a certain situation. I want to stop listening to how my 'friends' don't even fucking believe me. Am I really that bad? Am I really that much of a fucking liar to all of you? Why can't anyone confront me about it? Why is it that everyone feels the need to speak at the same fucking wrong time, and once they're corrected, they back fucking away, but never stop having their same selfless opinions. Why? I don't fucking understand anyone or their selfish minds. Get the fuck out of here.
I'm just having a bad day.
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