Life is Completely Shitting On Me.

Today was an absolute waste of my day. The only things I've done are:
1. fill my head with awkward things on the internet.
2. look at bedrooms and realize I can not wait to move out of here and have my own little house (apt.) to decorate and have plenty of space to keep things.
3. have a mental breakdown due to the fact that I am now negative 300 dollars (yeah, that's right, THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS) due to 8 overdraft fees ($35 each). Do you understand how much money that is?! I don't even make that in a week. That could have been my entire Christmas shopping done with. Just thinking about this makes me want to start crying my eyes out.
4. have more plans fall through. Lets see, I haven't successfully hung out with Heather ONCE, and we've been making plans for the past week, and she's always the one blowing me off. That was last night's plans destroyed. Now, tonight, I was supposed to go out with Kate, but that seems more like a death plan with the way the roads are right now. So I'm here.

I really hate everything right now. I have no appetite, which I am not complaining about, but it's making me tired. I'm angry at everything. FUCK THIS SHIT. I want to sleep the next week away just because I feel like I'll feel better when I wake up. I wont. Because money doesn't just appear in a week's time while you're sleeping. Hah.

Ray is getting awful defensive about this whole moving out shit. I know this is where he lives and I'm acting ungrateful and blah blah blah, but I'm not asking to move out next week. I want to move out maybe by next summer, sometime when I'M stable, and don't owe $300 to my own bank. He makes a lot of money, and I know we'd have no problem splitting rent in a nice appartment maybe on the beach or something. They're cheap there, and they're not too bad in the next town over, Amesbury, either. It's not a ridiculous drive from either of our jobs, and we don't need anything big. Living here is making me sick. I cough constantly because his Dad smokes 2 packs a day of straight Marlboros, but it is his house and they are nice enough to let me live here, and I like living here, but theres mold growing everywhere in the bathroom, and I reak of cigarettes all the time, to the point where people think I smoke, and thats gross. I think Ray's respitory problems will clear up, too, once we leave here. That would make such a huge different. I miss having my own space. Everything in this room isn't mine besides the bed and dresser with mirror. I use his computer on his desk next to his printer, and behind me is his other, primary, computer, and desk. And to my right is his couch, and to my left is his TV, TV stand, book shelf, ect. And on top of it all is my piles of little shit because there is nowhere for me to keep my little piles organized and not shitty looking. I don't even have a closet to hang things, and being a girl, that's absurd. Hah. Whatever, I'm okay for now, but I don't want to live here for the rest of my life.