Alone and Angry

I hate being alone, especially after spending tons of time with you all weekend, sleeping next to you in different bedrooms. I felt as though we had started living together almost. I miss you already and I wish you had stayed the night with me.

My parents have gone away for a week. I've been busy with company and work. I enjoy having the house to myself and taking care of things. I feel free to do what I want, like sit outside late at night on the deck and just relax without being asked 'whats wrong?' or 'why are you acting different?'. I like having friends come over and sitting in my livingroom until 2 am talking about the strangest things and laughing even though I've barely slept, and I'll barely sleep again before work the next morning. I like the comfort of knowing I'm crawling into bed with him, and not alone, once my friends have left and all I want to do is sleep and have that secure feeling I'm always craving.

Unfortunately, work is far away from here for him, and as much as I'd like him to stay nights with me anyways, it's probably best for him to go home and continue living his own way during the long, stressful work week.

I'm going to bed shortly because I've barely been sleeping and working weird shifts at work that only drain me further. Because of all this, I've lost track of my eating habits again, and binging has gotten the best of me. But tomorrow is the beginning of a new week and that always gets me highly motivated.

I have a check-up at my doctors tomorrow which I'm not looking forward to, because some of it will be me laying on a cold board with my legs in footholders, and strange devices will be going inside my hoo-ha. I don't like the idea of that, but it's life. Just wait until I start getting mamograms!

I need to make an effort to get my birth control switched to something cheaper, or maybe I'll just change to a different method all together. I wouldn't mind getting the shot, or even an IUD, but I've heard shitty things about the IUD and cramps. The shot is probably expensive, but I'd love to never have a period again (until I decide I want it back, hahaha).

After the appointment, I need to come home and get things situated. Then, off to work for the night. This is getting awfully repetitive, and I feel extremely awkward being there now. I almost lost my job and I feel as though our new manager is going to the extremes to handle things, and for once, I miss my old manager. She was a bitch, but she never talked to me, and never cared about stupid fucking coupons and trivial things like that. Fucking christ. Not to mention, when someone almost gets fired, isn't it all supposed to be confidential? Why the fuck am I hearing that he's telling everyone what I did? Especially when its not all true.

Fuck that.

I still haven't heard if I've gotten the promotion. I was supposed to know a week ago. Very nice. I'm getting so irritated, and I'm starting to look at better jobs where I wont get paid shit for working hard and getting shafted everyday of my life.

Whatever, I'm so over this shit, and I'm excited for Tuesday, my only day off this week.