In spite.

I'm not grown up - I mean, I don't really feel grown up. I'm still restricted, I'm still stuck.

Really, I've been cornered.

I've to pay $30 a week to live in this house I'm forced to live in. I pay $120 a month to obey rules and still be a child.

I don't want to pay for that.

I don't understand it. I've graduated, I've become a legal adult.

But nothing is changing. I still can't be out late. I still can't sleep out whenever I wish. I can't even move out, and live somewhere where I'm not being charged to live freely. I can't even stay up past 1 am without a knock at my door, telling me I'm being ridiculous and I have to go to bed.

It's one thing, respecting the rules of this house, but it's another to pay my share here just to be held back. I would move out as soon as possible, but its not. No one understand how impossible that is. They will hold me back, no matter how many fingers are broken or how many teeth are pulled. I'm stuck here.

All my life, I've been brought up as being the center of someone else's control. My entire life, I've never been given the opportunity to control myself, my own life. Someone has always done that for me, and now they need me for that same reason, more than I need them.

I don't need someone to tell me what time is decent to be home and in bed. I don't need someone to sit here and tell me how to handle my own money. I don't need someone to tell me what is and isn't an option.

For once in my life I DON'T NEED ANYONE.

I want to be my own, independent person. I want to move out, even if its on my own. I want my own experiences, my own text books and slates of disasters and lessons to remember. I want to learn on my own, and I don't want your breath on the back of my neck the whole time.

I am capable of making my own decisions, I've done it many times behind your back. I've been forced to grow up and take care of myself when everything falls apart in my world, because what is happening in my world sometimes isn't appropriate for you to know. All the disasters, the falls I've taken, you don't even know about. The hurt in my life, the hate I have, you can't even grasp because you never even knew what had come for me.

I kept quiet during the most painful experiences for months. I've dealt with them on my own, I've grow with pain etched in my back, and can you even guess where I've been?

I've had my soul taken from me for fucking sake. Someone ripped my fucking soul out and stepped all over it. They chewed it up and left their own blood on it. They left me to die without a single ping of guilt. There are nights when I nearly vomit because of it. Days when I can't look at myself in the mirror or even fucking eat. Days when all those discusting words fill my body, and there's no way to purge it out.

But I'm just a child, you know. I'm clueless and lethal to myself. I can't take care of my own basic needs, nevermind handle my own job on my own or my future.

I can't do without you, that's all you see when you look at me. All my great achievements, and you don't even trust me enough to leave me to myself.