Fuck this shit.

Everything is ridiculous, it's almost as though everyone is working against me, so I'm unable to help myself. My family is just being ignorant, especially when it comes to cars and my own money. I have a wedding to go to on Sunday, and then my Grandma's in the fall, so I need to buy a dress tomorrow. It was my Mom's idea for her to take me so I can get this all taken care of. Then, she tells me how she's NOT paying for any of it. So I start bitching about how I can't afford $100 for ONE fucking dress and a PAIR of shoes. TWO THINGS = $100. I can barely even afford food anymore for myself when I'm working. Buying a $.90 water and a $1 diet bar is almost breaking the bank for me now. I've been limiting myself in my checking account, keeping under $10 in there ALWAYS now, and saving the rest so I can get a car ASAP.

But, they expect me to buy these expensive fucking clothes, and then try to tell me that I can't work Thursday because my Mom needs the car for her fucking baseball game. How does this all work? Someone explain to me please how this is all going to benefit me someday, because I don't understand. I'm going nowhere and beginning to believe it would be best to just leave this household behind and do things completely on my own. My mother is so paranoid about me moving into Ray's, and I've told her countless times that I'M NOT. But, right now they're making it impossible to even live. If I moved in with Ray, atleast I wouldn't have to pay rent, just supply my own food (90 cent water and kashi bars are all I really need, anyways) and find out how to get a car and loan so I can get to work. The milage is the same if I drive from his house, and atleast I wont have a curfew, or someone telling me what to really do with my money.

And with all this bitching, I'm still sitting here, knowing that I'm going to spend atleast one hundred dollars (that's more than last week's check was) on something I'm going to wear twice.

Living is impossible. We're heading into a depression this winter, it's been predicted. I hope I don't end up being one of those people that commits suicide because times are so hard, but I feel so hopeless already, and my life has barely begun yet.

I'm also extremely driven now to become a mechanic. My Dad told me in an extremely sexist way this morning that I could never do the job because I'm a woman and not strong enough. You'll fucking see when I rake in more cash than you do someday with my own company. I can't stand when people put me down because it makes me really want something.

I'm so irritated.