With my feet upon the ground, I lose myself between the sounds.

I'm far too medicated for my own good right now. I don't understand it, once I get over something, something else just decides to make a home in my body. WHY!? My anemia must be bad again or something, which I wouldn't be too suprised about since I've barely eaten anything recently, atleast nothing good. I've lost my real apetite after what happened a few weeks ago, and although I'm not surviving mainly off of diet sodas and a few bites of food a day, nor am I all skin and bones, I'm not eating correctly. Tonights dinner: A 99 cent bag of Funnyons. Win!

This week just has not been good for me. I don't understand it, but its the way things are. I'm sick, this week is shit in school since I have so much that needs to be finished, I'm not in the mood to really put up with anything. I'm sick and all I want to do is curl up in bed and have alka-seltzer induced sleep all day. Maybe I'll be really sick tomorrow and miss school. I hate missing school, though, and I've agreed to work tomorrow night at 5:30, so if I'm going to rest, I want to do it all out. But didn't I just rest the entire day yesterday? I've been resting too often, I hate it. I want to be busy busy busy, and I guess I could be that way if I did half of what I wanted to do, but I don't.

Today, my friend Gabe gave me the new Halloween movie :]. I think that was very nice of him. Hah, I'm so awful. I never buy anyone anything.


Work was kind of eventful. All the crazies were out today, for some reason. I was on medicine, too, so it added to the excitement. I did a bunch of trash talking with Shiela about our bosses, what a mess. CVS is such a fucking disaster zone right now.

I hate missing people. I just want it to be the weekend. I want to do all those fun things we've been talking about ;]. I want to get over this fucking cold, and get over life while I'm at it. I want that fucking 5 page paper written, along with another essay, and I want to do the shoot for commercial arts. I want to sit and develop in the darkroom all day, but running away from problems aren't that easy, and I'm never alone in there.

I want want want. Always, I'm ALWAYS that way.

Fuck :[.

I'm working so hard on myself. I haven't smoked once this year, and although its only been 7 days, you'd be suprised how often I'm around it. It's not an effort for me unless I'm around friends who smoke. Its really such a gross habit, I don't understant why I've done it. I'm so excited to be clean in that way, because it would make me clean in every way, then. I don't drink, nor do I do drugs, and not smoking is just the icing on the cake. I can finally have a clear mind. Clear everything.

My relationship with my boyfriend is really improving, although I still find myself awfully self-concious about certain things. I don't know, it's not that big of a deal. I'm just so so so excited for the future and to finally make all the right choices because my heart is finally starting to overrun my dumb, selfish mind. This is exactly what I need.

I'm so sleepy and my nose wont stop running. Urggg, miserable.